Tuesday, April 20, 2010

He Speaks to Me

When I heard that we were doing a study called Discerning the Voice of God, I was excited. I have been a believer all my life, and I could swear to you that I've never heard God speak directly to me. I could also swear to you that I was the only person that felt this way. Thankfully, Terrell (and Priscilla in the first video) said that she has women tell her that all the time. Ok, so I don't feel so weird now, but that still doesn't change the fact that it bothers me. I pray. I talk to God. I believe for breakthrough. I have post-it's all over the house with Bible verses and encouraging words written on them. I go to church, I read my Bible, and I am even attempting to break out of my shell and meet more women who can encourage me and help me. All of that and it still isn't happening.

If you ask just about anyone who knows me, they will tell you I am stubborn and opinionated. I am usually too eager to share whatever it is on my mind. My thinking has been as long as what I'm saying is the truth, what can it hurt? But as I move along in life, I am beginning to realize that having that attitude has gotten me nowhere fast. Sure, my friends like to hear me talk, or at least they pretend to, but what about God?

Thinking back to different times when I've felt the power of God, it has always come through someone else. When I finally got out of a secretly bad relationship, it was because God told 2 special people in my life to call me and make me speak the truth. When I was undecided about the relationship with my now husband, God spoke to me through a special woman in our church and solidified my decision to get serious about my future. When it was my turn to write the blog for our last study, I had it all written out and was feeling pretty good about it, and then Beth spoke about claiming our pasts and I instantly knew that I was supposed to write something different. These situations prove to me that He is listening and He wants me to hear Him. I am the one doing something wrong.

In the first video of this new study, one of the first things Priscilla said was if you aren't anticipating and expecting to hear God speak to you, you will never be listening. Wow. It suddenly all made sense. Yes, I talk to God, but I always want to hear His answer on my time. I am so busy complaining and worrying and begging for Him to do something that I never stop and say God, what do you have to say to me today? What do You want for me?

We are only 2 weeks in to this new study and I am so excited to hear all the things that He has been trying to tell me. I have spent so much time wondering why things haven't gone my way, and all along it's been because I wouldn't stop talking! So, while I have yet to hear Him and know that it's Him, I have finally gotten it through my stubborn head that He is always talking, and now it's my turn to listen.